Thread for all things Palmer!
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I was just watching a video of the boss battle since we were talking about it earlier:
Curious about stories behind why heās dancing. Exercise? Enjoyment? Intimidation?
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I donāt think heās dancing. I think heās doing that skipping from side to side thing that kids do when they taunt people. I can just him chanting, āNanee-nanee-boo-boo, stick your head in poo-poo.ā He has a mental age of 6. I donāt think thereās a single boss in the entire the game who enjoys their boss battle as much as Palmer does - and heād have got away with it, too, if it hadnāt been for that meddling truck!
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I guess I think of that as dancing!
Also I like the quiet comedy in that clip of him having nothing to steal.
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I always alternate between headcanoning Palmer as a sharp astrophysicist who just doesnāt give a shit, and as a guy who was promoted due to pure nepotism and isnāt quite sure what numbers are. OG doesnāt give us much to go on beyond ālikes teaā and āis cowardā. He does have a professorly vibe but Iām not sure whether itās just the bowtie doing that work.
ALSO
Palmer has blond eyebrows
Is HE President Shinraās illegitimate son too???
Sure, he looks too old for that. But a steady diet of lardy tea will do that to a person.
I dunno, I think itās suspiciousā¦
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Maybe his name is Palmer Shinra and heās the Prezās younger brother?
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I think this is more plausible. But Iām still amused at the idea of him exclaiming āIām 31 years old!ā
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Was Palmer good-looking in his youth?
- Yes, he was a stunner
- Nah, man
- Other (will explain in great depth in further comments)
- Other (will not explain; will keep it a mystery)
0 voters
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Heād be average-ish in my mind, but thatās boring. So I downloaded FaceApp and used one of the young filters on a shot of him from Remake.
And then slimmed him down a bit in photoshop and added some hair (lighting and rendering style is all wrong but oh well).
Good-looking? Not? Absolutely cursed? You decideā¦ 
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He reminds me of Peter Pettigrew!
(edit: though why, I am struggling to work out, because I donāt think thereās any feature where I can say āthey have that in common!ā)
edit #2: I tried giving him a Heidegger makeover, in case he was one of those guys who could completely transform his face with the addition of a beard:
Iā¦ donāt think heās one of those guys.
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Oh! I kinda thought that too. The shape of their mouths is a bit similar, or at least the way Palmerās showing his teeth in this shot. They both might also have a longer than average distance from their nose to the top of their lips, and sort of large noses, though pretty different shapes. (You somehow got me to stare at Palmer for another half hour trying to figure it out. x_x)
hawt
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What better use of time is there? ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
But I always do this. āThis person looks JUST LIKE that person!ā And I canāt find anything that makes them look alike. But I think it every time I see either of them. Maybe it is just the mouthsā¦
Iām still laughing at how much your youthful-Palmer looks like my internal stereotype of a guy studying physics! I canāt work out if this is just me being mean to physics students, given Palmer looks like a literal clown, or if they based him off some real famous physicist I have in the back of my mind, or what. But he does, itās eerie. Maybe itās just the bowtie.
Itās 2022 and weāre introducing the Hot Palmer Challenge. Contestants have to make Palmer hot and put him on tiktok or whatever it is people do these days. You win if you get someone to message him with āsend nudesā.
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how bad is it that iām seriously considering this
(Well, the photoshop part, anyway.)
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The guy who played Peter Pettigrew is called Timothy Spall and youāre right, thereās a distinct resemblance. Hereās Spall as Palmer, but I had to apply a watercolour filter to make it look half decent.
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Quick, someone start a rumour that theyāre making a live-action FF7 film and āleakā the stills!
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āHave you seen this?ā said Tseng, unsmiling.
Reno looked at the screen. A video-sharing site.
āThe Hot Palmer Challenge!ā said the title.
Below, hundreds and hundreds of videos, of Palmer, fat man Palmer, Head of the Space Department, photoshopped to look, wellā¦ hot. Some with abs, some with sculpted facial hair, and on, and onā¦
āWhat the fuck?ā Reno wiped his forehead.
āDid you do this?ā Tseng watched him.
āIām not a frickinā psychopath.ā Reno stared at the screen. A gif of Palmer rotated in front of them, blew them a kiss, wiggled its hips; Tseng scrolled down rapidly before they could see what happened next.
āThis is a disaster,ā murmured Tseng. A thousand Palmers winked at them, in varying states of undress.
āItās fuckinā depraved.ā Renoās throat was dry.
āThat too,ā said Tseng. āBut thatās not the main issue. You donāt understand. This, this fan-followingā¦ Rufus will be jealous.ā
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Wait what
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Well, hereās the son of Timothy Spall, Rafe Spall, also an actor. Maybe Palmer looked like this when he was young?
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